The date with Snoopy January 25, 2010

Okay, so I went out with Kevin, aka Snoopy last Thursday. Seeing as how it’s Monday and I’m just getting around to blogging now, obviously it was a snoozer of a date. Not too awful, but not great either. We met at Palio in Ladd’s Addition, he got tea and I got a horchata (not recommended btw. Por Que No’s is way better).

Um, so what to say? He was awkward and doesn’t comb his hair. He’s a nice guy, but the conversation didn’t flow and we don’t seem to have much in common. At one point I asked him what he did for fun, and he didn’t really have an answer. Maybe he didn’t understand my question, but it was like pulling teeth. The most interesting thing he said was that he wanted to take a juggling class, and that was interesting in a bad way.

Oddly enough, we didn’t discuss our interaction from last year. You know, the one where I told him he needed to grow some balls? I did ask him how his Match experience was going, and he said he went on a date Monday night and the girl tried to take him home. No comment.

Also, he really reminds me of Joyce’s brother, Phil. That’s a little weird.

So Match this time around is kinda crappy. I don’t know what the deal is, but there’s just not a lot of action happening. Thoughts?

No, no, a thousands times no. January 13, 2010

Came across this gem today… Needs no caption.

Rockstar parking January 10, 2010

So I’ve been looking at this guy’s profile for awhile now. I remember him from the last time I was on Match, but for some reason I never contacted him. I was intrigued by the fact that he was in a wheelchair, but that didn’t seem like a good enough reason to chat. I think I’m going to email him.

Rockstar

New year, new try January 10, 2010

For reals this time… that attempt back in September was super half-assed, but now I’m in it to win it! I just signed up for a month on Match.com. I’ve had my profile up for the past week or so, and I got a few emails. But I couldn’t see them until I was a paying subscriber. Get ready to LOL, because one of the emails awaiting me was from SNOOPY!

Hey there, I checked out your profile again. I really liked your profile before, and I think it’d be fun to meet you some time. It was a little botchy my first time around but things are going really well right now and it’d be great if you wanted to hang out some time.

thoughtfully,
Kevin

Well, at least he took my advice to heart. And he’s got a better photo posted, which I’ll admit makes a difference. I’ll also admit I’m shallow. Think I should give him a chance?

Snoopy, v2.0

Back in the saddle again… September 6, 2009

… though admittedly half assed.

I’ve emailed a few guys on OkCupid; nothing too promising though. I’ve got a short dialogue going with one guy, but it’s like pulling teeth. My gut is telling me he’s not interested, but he keeps writing back. I’ll blog that if anything comes of it.

Then of course there’s gems like this:

Hi, how are you doing? I am just few mins odd in the site and I decided to search for a beauty queen when your profile and pic appeared on my computer screen.

I think I have just found the treasure of preciours stones.
I do care for more chat…

Messenge me if you like my style…Alvero Eduardo

He almost got me with the “treasure of precious stones” line!

And this piece of work. I bet he sent this message to every female on OkCupid. Playing the law of large numbers I guess. I’d love to know how that turns out for him.

hello how are you? would you like to talk and see if we connect? what i’m looking for on here is my best friend, and lover, i’d like to have it be something serious ending in marriage someday, but i’m ok with taking things slow to and have it casual for a bit before making it serious… but i’m kinda hoping to find that person sooner rather then later, i’m very ready to have someone in my life and for me its all or nothing… while im ok with being friends for now i do want that friendship to grow to be much more… If i don’t get a reply i understand, since we do live really far away and even though is this is a dating site i realize what im looking for isn’t really something alot on here are looking for, but i hope you at least keep an open mind about giving things a chance.

I have half a mind to rip that guy a new one, but he might take it as encouragement.

OkCupid now has it’s own blog, where they will give advice to hopeless schleps like me. The first post is about how shorter is better when it comes to messages. I skimmed over all the graphs and tables (too impatient for something that detailed) but the takeaway was this:

The graph clearly shows that in raw terms, it helps guys to write longer messages… we find that the actual ideal first message length is 200 characters.

For women, brevity is even more in demand… Apparently, after about 360 words (1800 characters), you start scaring people off…

Incredibly enough, the optimal first outreach from a woman to a man is just 50 characters long! I’m willing to speculate that this graph is telling us that a guy decides whether or not to reply to a woman’s message regardless of what the message actually says. The first message’s true function is to bring her profile to his attention.

My guess is that he looks at her picture and if she’s his type, he writes back. On the one hand, such a superficial reality is depressing.

So I guess all I really need to write is “Hey check me out.” 50 characters is barely anything! If I write my name at the bottom that makes it less than 45 characters! Here are some examples of brief messages:

• Let me know if you want to grab a drink sometime. (48)
• Hey how’s it going? (17)
• You look cool. Let’s grab a drink. (34)
• Want to get a cup of coffee? (28)

I already knew it was all about looks, but this just solidifies it. Sigh. Do these rules apply for lesbians? Are single lesbian online daters allowed to write more than 50 characters to one another? Are there any guys out there that appreciate more than 50 characters, or is less truly more?

Footy June 17, 2009

We picked up another guy for our Wednesday indoor soccer team (no he’s not single) and he let us know about some pickup games happening at Wallace Park every MWF at noon. Jane and I went last Friday, and I’ve been back twice this week. I love soccer. LOVE it. And soccer players are H-O-T. Especially the ones that can pull off white shorts.

So anyway, when Jane and I showed up Friday, we were 2 of 4 girls total, in a group of 20+ guys. Monday and Wednesday I was the only girl out of about 15-20 guys. So the odds are in my favor. I’ve already heard several of the guys mention “girlfriends” so I’m eliminating my options slowly. Actually, in all the years I’ve played soccer and all the coed teams I’ve played on, I’ve never picked up a guy, so trust me, this is not a proven method. Anything but.

That’s not the point of this post however. The above was just to give some background and context for the conversation that took place. After the game, a couple of the guys announced that they were going to Pepino’s for lunch, and everyone was welcome to join them. I decided to go; hey, what else have I got to do? (Seriously, since school ended I’ve been kind of lost. Not sure what to do with myself.)

So I met Han and Dante at Pepino’s, turns out they’re super nice guys. Conversation was very basic: what do you do, where are you from, etc. Dante went to school in Missoula, MT, and since I spent a year in Bozeman, MT we had a little chat about how awesome Montana is- until you want to make some money. Dante mentioned that it was a really small state (opportunity wise), and he was really liking Portland though he’s only been here 8 months. Then he said “And the dating scene here is nice. It’s really easy.”

Whaaaa? I’m pretty sure I looked at him like he was crazy. Then I said “Tell me everything you know!” We all had a good laugh at my expense, then started joking around about sandwich boards and wind dancers (see pic below) and other ways to get attention.

Single and desperate!

So seriously, what else do I have to do to find someone to date? (I’m sure all available guys can smell the desperation about a mile away.) I was talking to Reed the other day, and telling her how I was feeling regret for turning Snoopy down. Maybe he was like a diamond in the rough! (Don’t worry, Reed slapped some sense into me.)

Any advice? What am I doing wrong? What should I try? Thoughts, ideas, criticisms… I don’t want to have to wear a sandwich board but I will if I have to. Maybe during Last Thursday on Alberta or some other popular street fair. I won’t be offended if you pretend not to know me.

In need of some advice June 9, 2009

I haven’t heard back from Dave. I thought we had a fun date a few weeks ago, and when he said “I’ll call you next week” I honestly thought he meant it. But he didn’t call.

So here’s the dilemma: my Match.com membership ends tomorrow, and I am not renewing. Do I shoot an email to Dave giving him my real email address? Or do I just assume that he has my phone number, and he can contact me that way if he wants to?

Am I thinking about this too much? Comments welcome.

The response to my advice June 3, 2009

Heard back from Snoopy:

hey Karen. it kind of sucks to be told that, but i appreciate it. i didn’t email you after a while. i just did it b/c i thought you were cool.

but i won’t email anymore. call it growing some balls or just being grownup.
thanks for the tips, the good and bad ideas. you’re pretty bright for seeing these things.
Snoopy

Poor Snoops. I hope he finds someone nice.

Poor Snoopy June 2, 2009

Here’s how I responded to Snoopy’s pathetic email:

Snoopy,

Thanks for trying again but I’m still not interested. However, I’d like to help you out by telling you some things.

Girls do NOT like insecure guys. Lack of confidence is a turn off for most, if not all, girls. I’d like for you to man up and grow some goddamn balls. Even if you’re not feeling confident, your emails shouldn’t reflect that.

Here are some examples:
GOOD: Hey there, I checked out your profile and you seem pretty cool. Want to grab some coffee or a beer sometime?
BAD: You probably don’t want to, but if maybe you do, maybe we could meet for coffee. I don’t know, it’s a stupid idea, but if you want to meet me then that would be cool. It’s okay if you don’t though.

I hope you can see the difference in the above two examples.

And here are a few more tips:
- If a girl doesn’t write back, don’t write her again.
- In your profile, you write: “it’d be great to email and hopefully maybe hang out.” Remove the word “hopefully”.
- When you send a first message to someone, reference something in their profile that you think is cool/neat/interesting. Then they’ll know you’ve actually read it.

Anyway, I hope that you can take this advice to heart. I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings. I’m sure you’re a nice guy, you just need to get a bit of a clue.

Best of luck,
Karen

I hope it helps him.

Also, am I just happy to have the chance to be mean, or is this considered a good deed? I’m undecided.

June 1, 2009

I find this rather odd and pathetic… Remember “Snoopy”, the guy who was super insecure? He wrote me AGAIN. It made me sad actually.

hi karen,
i already know you don’t want to meet me so i guess i don’t know why i’m asking. but its worth a try just in. you don’t have to oblige me, its silly, i know. well, if you think i’m cool after all, i don’t know how it’d work but it’d be great to chat sometime. beer/coffee?
snoopy

Should I just ignore him, or respond and tell him to grow some goddamn balls?